If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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