dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
