Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
