did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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