you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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