once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would ride that face into the sunset
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
