So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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