Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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