she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
