Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
