i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
