and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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