I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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