I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
