I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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