I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
