this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hippo gnu deer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
