how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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