she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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