I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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