I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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