called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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