Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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