I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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