my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
