guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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