the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
