I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
