I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
