im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
