i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
