Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
