Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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