The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
