I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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