I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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