Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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