Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
