I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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