I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
