Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
