i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How's work?
Spinning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
