So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
