Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
