I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
