woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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