were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
