do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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