But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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