It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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