i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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