I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
