My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Houston, we have a blender
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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