i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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