Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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