she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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