she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
